Many people spend time getting their will just right, but never think about the extra guidance their family will need. That’s where a Letter of Wishes: What Is It and How to Write One becomes so important. A will deals with money, property, guardians and executors – but it can’t cover every personal preference, explanation or family detail your loved ones will need after you die.
Imagine Emma. She had a carefully drafted will, but nothing written down about her favourite records, how she wanted her funeral to feel, or why she’d made certain choices. After she died, her family argued about the service and sentimental items went to the “wrong” people simply because no one knew what she really wanted. A simple letter of wishes could have avoided all of that confusion and upset.
Letter of Wishes: What Is It and How to Write One?
A letter of wishes is a non-legally binding document that sits alongside your will. It is written to your executors, trustees and family to explain how you’d like your estate to be managed on a personal level.
Your will is the legal blueprint – who gets what, who looks after your children, who administers your estate.
Your letter of wishes is the personal guidebook – who should receive sentimental items, what kind of funeral you’d like, how you’d like children to be raised, and the reasons behind the decisions in your will.
Key features:
It is not legally binding, but carries strong moral weight.
It can be handwritten or typed, with no special wording required.
It can be updated at any time without involving a solicitor.
Unlike a will, it remains private and does not become a public document after probate.
Used well, a Letter of Wishes: What Is It and How to Write One works in harmony with your will, giving your executors clear guidance without tying their hands where flexibility might be helpful.
Is a Letter of Wishes Legally Binding?
No. In the UK, a letter of wishes is guidance rather than law. Executors and trustees should read it carefully and take it into account, but they are not legally forced to follow every line.
This can actually be an advantage:
It lets your executors adapt if circumstances change.
You can change it easily, without formally changing your will.
You can include sensitive explanations you wouldn’t want in a public document.
The golden rule is simple: anything that must happen should be in your will; anything that helps people understand your wishes and values can sit in your letter.
Will vs Letter of Wishes – The Key Differences
In plain English:
Legal status – Your will is binding; your letter is guidance.
Formality – Your will must be signed and witnessed; your letter can be written in normal language with no witnesses.
Privacy – Your will becomes public after probate; your letter stays confidential.
Content – Use your will for money, property, guardians and executors. Use your letter for funeral preferences, sentimental items, explanations, and messages to loved ones.
Think of the will as the “must-dos” and the letter of wishes as the “I’d really like…”.
Why You Should Have a Letter of Wishes
Even with a very good will, a letter of wishes can:
Prevent family disputes – Clear funeral instructions and guidance on personal possessions stop arguments at an already emotional time.
Protect sentimental items – Collections, jewellery, photos and heirlooms can be directed to the people who will value them most.
Support guardians and trustees – You can share your parenting approach, values, and priorities for children, and guide trustees on when and why to make payments from trusts.
Give peace of mind – You know your wishes are written down and your family isn’t left guessing.
Maintain privacy – You can explain difficult decisions or family situations without those details ever becoming public.
What to Include in a Letter of Wishes
You can structure the letter in clear sections, such as:
Funeral and memorial wishes
Burial or cremation, type of service, music, readings, dress code, flowers or donations.
Personal possessions and keepsakes
Who should receive jewellery, collections, photographs, family heirlooms or special items that don’t appear in your will.
Guidance for guardians
Values you’d like children raised with, schooling preferences, religious or cultural wishes, important relationships to maintain.
Guidance for trustees
When you’d like money released from any trust (education, first home, health needs, business start-ups), and your views on encouraging financial responsibility.
Explanations of decisions in your will
Reasons for unequal gifts, why certain people were chosen as executors or guardians, or why someone has been left out.
Personal messages
Words of love, encouragement and support for family and close friends.
What Not to Put in a Letter of Wishes
Some things must always go in your will instead:
Cash gifts or specific amounts of money
High-value assets such as property, expensive jewellery or vehicles
Formal appointment of executors or guardians
Any instruction that you need to be legally enforceable
Directions that contradict the wording of your will
If something is financially substantial or legally important, it belongs in the will – not in the letter.
How to Write a Letter of Wishes
You don’t need a special form. A simple structure works well:
Start with your name, the date, and a line explaining that the letter accompanies your will dated [insert date].
Write directly to your executors, trustees and loved ones in clear, everyday language.
Use headings like Funeral Wishes, Personal Items, Guidance for Guardians, and Messages to My Family so it’s easy to follow.
Be specific about people and items – use full names and clear descriptions.
Sign and date it so it’s obvious which version is the most recent.
Store it with your will but not stapled to it, and make sure your executors know it exists and where to find it.
Getting Help with Your Will and Letter of Wishes
A thoughtful letter of wishes works best when it sits beside a properly drafted will. Viva Planning can help you put the legal side in place and talk through how a letter of wishes can support your family, your executors and your trustees.
